Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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