good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
