So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
