i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
