Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
