We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize