Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
