Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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