I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
