The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
