FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
