So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
