Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
too bad you live with your parents still
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
