that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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