my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
