bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
