You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
