its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need a beard to bite.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
