I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
