Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
