i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
