glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
