Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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