What did we do last night that was yellow?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
