Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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