There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
