All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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