At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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