Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
