Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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