i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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