We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
