whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize