Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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