A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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