Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
