You made me cry and you don't even care
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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