Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish i was in the wii world.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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