I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
