She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
