apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
