Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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