you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
