i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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