Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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