i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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