I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
