i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
