If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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