we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
