It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
