separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
