Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Your penis caused this!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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