I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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