He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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