just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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