Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
