PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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