put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
