I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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