I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
