At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
