Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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