I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
