i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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