I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
