she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
