I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
