You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
