she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize