I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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